When a Friendship Changes: Sometimes You're Not Confused, You Just Don't Like the Answer

Hey friends,

I once had a friendship I really didn't want to let go of.

We had been best friends. We did everything together - we had so many good times and great memories. We were friends in that pivotal time of life between high school, college, and entering the work force. The "grow up era" . She was someone I loved, trusted and genuinely thought would be part of my life for a very long time.

Then I started noticing little things. It wasn't one big moment or some sudden betrayal. It was the amalgamation of a bunch of little things that, over time, became harder to ignore. And frankly, painful.

Things would be said behind my back. There were moments that felt like she wanted what I had - my relationships, my job. She showed up for me less and less. And slowly, the friendship stopped feeling like the friendship I remembered.

Although I didn't want to acknowledge it, the truth is, I noticed.

But I kept trying. I shoved my feelings, doubts and questions aside and gave it another chance. Then another. I kept looking for the friend I had bonded with, hoping that version of my friend was still in there somewhere.

I convinced myself that I was just confused. Things weren't really the way I thought they were. I was overreacting.

But eventually I had to face it: I wasn't confused. I just didn't like the answer.

The friendship had changed. She had changed. I probably had changed too. And holding tighter couldn't turn our friendship back into what it had been.

It was gone.

Sometimes that's why clarity takes us so long. We're not waiting to understand what's happening. We're waiting for what's happening to become something we can live with.

And sometimes it doesn't.

And it's ok, even when it doesn't feel like it yet.

I can tell you this: more than 20 years later, I can look back at that friendship with love for what it was and still know that letting it go was the right decision for me.

I don't regret the friendship. I don't regret the years we had or the memories we made. But I also don't regret finally accepting that it had become something I could no longer hold on to.

Letting go doesn't mean it didn't matter.

Sometimes it means you're finally willing to accept that it did matter.

And that it's over.

Until next time,

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Today’s Reflection

Notice

Is there a relationship or situation that feels different now, even though part of you is still holding on to how it used to be?

Explore

What have you been noticing but struggling to acknowledge? If you stopped explaining those things away, what might they be telling you?

Carry Forward

Let go of who no longer fits in your life, even when you still love who they used to be.