Menopause Isn’t a Secret: My Story, My Lessons, and the Power of Sharing

Oct 11

6 min read

Hey there, beautiful!

So... I want to share something with you. It feels so weird to say but I am sick of this topic being taboo because it's natural and its NOT our fault! We deserve to talk about it openly, prepare each other, and make sure the next generation of women isn’t left wondering what is happening to their bodies.

So here goes.......

I'm in perimenopause.

And baby - it's been a RIDE.

For the longest time, I felt so alone in what I was experiencing and I bet others have too. I thought something was seriously wrong with me. One minute I was crying watching a singing competition show on Netflix, the next I was googling "why can't I find my words anymore?" Meanwhile, I was having daily battles - no, full on wars - with chin hairs that seemed to sprout overnight like some kind of hormonal garden I never planted and had no desire to harvest. And then there was the "DAP" (if you don't know what that is, look up Cardi B and Meg Thee Stallion's song "WAP", then you'll get it. By the way, I found a remedy for it. Let me know if you want the tea.....)

It wasn't cute. But it was real.

After months of frustration, confusion, and tears, my doctor casually said the word I didn’t expect: perimenopause. And honestly? I was offended. Like, “hold on, that’s for older women — not me!”

Except, I'm the "older woman"… it was me.

And it might be you too.

The Plot Twist I Didn't See Coming

Here's the thing about my perimenopause journey - I'm basically flying blind.

After I had my son (shoutout to my baby who's 11 and dealing with puberty, God help us!), I had heavy periods and anemia that were seriously affecting my life. So I had a procedure called NovaSure - basically, they ablate your uterine lining so you don't get periods anymore. It was the best thing ever. Problem solved, right?

Except now, ten-plus years later, I have no period… and no clue where I am in this menopause timeline. Most women notice changes in their cycle as a clue. Me? I’ve got nothing but vibes and confusion to go on.

Spoiler alert: It's perimenopause. But it took way too long to realize that — because my internal GPS (aka my period) has been out of service since 2013.

The Brain Fog Is REAL (Wait, What Was I Saying?)

Let me paint you a picture of my life lately:

I'll be mid-sentence, telling a story I've told a thousand times, and suddenly... the word just vanishes. Not hiding in the back of my mind where I can find it if I think hard enough. GONE. Like it never existed.

And it's not just words. I forget why I walked into a room. I forget what I came to grab from the fridge. I forget appointments (thank God for phone reminders). I forget what I ate for dinner, or if I ate dinner!. I once spent 10 minutes looking for my phone WHILE I WAS TALKING ON IT. Real talk! At this point, if I didn’t write it down, it didn’t happen.

At first, I thought I was losing my mind. Like, legitimately wondered if something was seriously wrong. Then my doctor hit me with another truth bomb: the hormonal rollercoaster we’re on literally messes with how our brains retrieve information. It’s not me being careless or “getting old.” It’s estrogen doing the electric slide with my memory.

The Weight That Won't Budge

Can we talk about the weight situation? Because I need to vent.

I work OUT. Like, consistently. I'm on the treadmill, I'm on the bike, I'm on the elliptical. I do Zumba (and yes, I look ridiculous and sometimes my knee acts up, but I'm having fun). I do strength training. I'm out here PUTTING IN THE WORK.

I eat well most of the time. Vegetables, protein, whole grains, staying away from processed food most of the time - I'm doing the things they tell you to do.

And yet.

The scale? Not moving. The jeans? Still tight. My body? Holding onto weight like it's preparing for a famine that's never coming.

And those sweet cravings? Girl. I can be fine all day and then out of nowhere, I need chocolate like my life depends on it. Apparently, hormones, insulin, and cortisol are all at a party together — and my metabolism wasn’t invited.

The Chin Hair Saga (A Horror Story)

Okay, we need to discuss the chin hairs because if I don't laugh about them, I might cry. This one is the most embarrassing to me, ugh.

If you know, you know.

I’ve got tweezers in every room, purse, and car compartment. I’m convinced these hairs grow in the car just to test me. They’re thick, dark, defiant — and sometimes even gray. The audacity!

If you ever catch me mid-conversation suddenly touching my chin… mind your business.

The Patience I Never Had (And Now Have Even Less Of)

I've never been the most patient person. I've always been more of a "let's get this done NOW" kind of person. But lately? LATELY?

My patience is GONE. Like, non-existent. Vamoose.

Someone's talking too slowly? I want to finish their sentences (and sometimes do, which is rude, I know but if I dont rush them along, I will forget what I want to say).

Technology not working immediately? I'm ready to throw it out the window.

Traffic? Don't even get me started.

And here's the thing - I KNOW I'm being unreasonable. I can see it happening. But I can't seem to stop it. It's like I'm watching myself be impatient and irritable from outside my body, thinking "girl, calm down, it's not that serious" while simultaneously fuming about whatever minor inconvenience just occurred.

My family has learned to give me space when I get that look. You know the one. Then I feel bad.

Why I'm Sharing All This

Because I felt SO ALONE when this started happening to me.

I didn’t see my experience reflected anywhere — especially as a Black woman. Most of the menopause conversations I found online were centered on white women. But did you know Black women tend to experience menopause earlier, with more intense symptoms? And when you add healthcare disparities into the mix, it’s even tougher.

That’s why finding culturally competent doctors matters so much. We need professionals who understand us — not just our symptoms, but the social and emotional layers that come with them.

I wish my mom, aunties, or grandmom had been open about their experiences. But they weren’t — because they weren’t given space to be. So now, I’m creating that space.

When I started talking to my friends, I noticed they’d all say: “Girl, me too!” and it surprised me every time. It’s not just me! That’s when it hit me: this isn’t taboo. It’s just truth.

What I Want You to Know

If you're reading this and thinking "wait, is THIS why I've been feeling like this?" - girl, yes. Probably yes.

If you're in your 40s (or late 30s, or early 50s) and noticing:

- Mood swings or anxiety you never had before

- Sleep disruption

- Brain fog or memory issues

- Weight changes despite your best efforts

- Irritability or decreased patience

- Physical symptoms you can't quite explain

- Feeling like you're not yourself

You’re not broken. You’re not crazy. You’re not losing it. You’re just evolving — through something that’s real, normal, and powerful (even if it doesn’t feel that way every day).

And you don’t have to go through it alone.

Let's Do This Together

I’ll be sharing more about what’s helping me — from journaling and mindfulness to finding joy again — and I hope this space becomes a sisterhood of support and real talk.

So tell me in the comments: What’s your perimenopause story? What symptoms have surprised you? What do you wish someone had told you sooner?

Let’s normalize this conversation, one honest story at a time.

With love, solidarity, and a pair of tweezers always within reach

Drop a comment and tell me: What's your perimenopause story? What symptoms are you dealing with? What do you wish someone had told you sooner?

Let's normalize this conversation and support each other through it.

With love and solidarity (and a pair of tweezers always within reach),